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The sixth love language no one is talking about
We all know about the five love languages. There is physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gift giving and quality time. But in my opinion there is a sixth secret love language many of us practice, but not many talk about: cooking.
Words by Amanda Duverell
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Growing up, the kitchen was the heart of our home, cooking and hosting dinner parties were simply part of everyday life. Both my mother and grandmother taught me early the value of high quality produce and cooking things from scratch.
As I have gotten older I have come to realize what a privilege it was. I remember waking up on the weekends to the smell of freshly made pancakes, or when I was playing with friends after school and it was time for dinner my mom popped her head into my room and asked “so, are you guys joining us for dinner?”. The kitchen was never just a place where meals were made, it was where people gathered, conversations unfolded – everyone was welcome to have a seat at our table.
Why cooking for someone is the ultimate act of care
As I have grown older and developed such a deep passion for cooking I can’t help to think about it as care in its most tangible form. It is rather intimate actually. Putting your heart on a plate like that. By choosing to spend time preparing a meal for another person. You stand in the kitchen thinking about what the other person might like, seasoning a sauce while tasting and adjusting as you go, setting the table and making your home inviting. Even before the first bite, love has already been served.
Home cooking creates memories that last longer than restaurants
In a world obsessed with convenience, speed and productivity, cooking is one of the few remaining crafts we still practice with our hands. We chop, knead, stir and plate. We create something from almost nothing, transforming raw ingredients into comfort and memories.
Maybe that is why home-cooked meals, and evenings where we gather around the dinner table, linger in our minds longer than reservations at the trendiest restaurants ever do. We rarely remember every detail of what was on the plate, but we remember how it felt to sit together with people we love, and talk for hours.
How to host a dinner party without chasing perfection
That is why I love hosting and having people over - as it truly creates memories money can’t buy. Somewhere along the way I’ve noticed people have become frankly scared of inviting people over. We are afraid of what people will think. Of our food, our home, our effort and therefore we shy away from inviting people unless it is “perfect”.
But in my opinion dinner parties are not about perfection, they are about connection. In the end, nobody remembers whether the potatoes were overcooked or the table setting matched perfectly. It is the gesture itself what matters.
The fact that someone took the time to prepare something, to open up their home, to think of you in advance. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Inviting people over should feel joyful, not stressful; it should be about togetherness and the simple pleasure of sharing time.
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Could cooking be the sixth love language?
I believe that is why cooking deserves to be considered as its own love language. It contains parts of all the others at once. It is an act of service. It is quality time. It can be physical touch, as we hug our guests welcome and as plates pass across a crowded table our hands touch. It can even become gift giving in its own fleeting way. To cook for someone is to say, without actually saying it: you matter to me and you are worth my time.
And in a world where everyone seems too busy, too distracted and too consumed by appearances, that might just be one of the purest forms of love we have left to give. In the end isn’t that what love languages are about anyway?
